Training Wheels Mommy

Well, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. I apologize for the delay in blog updates. Hopefully, you've been able to keep up on Brad's blog. If not, you can catch up here.

First of all, I can't thank you enough for all the FB messages, blog comments, texts, e-mails, calls, and prayers that I have received from so many of you. To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. We have felt such joy from this little girl and to know that it brings joy to others as well has been such a gift.

Secondly, I have to thank all of my families for all the love and help that they've given. Between Brad's family and my family I've had my laundry done, dishes washed, weeds pulled, home projects completed, and I'm sure I don't even realize the extent of everything that they've done for us. And our church family has been blessing us with meals delivered to our front door! It's why I think of myself as a Mommy with training wheels right now. I realize it will be a whole new ride when those training wheels come off.

Thirdly, GABRIELLA IS HERE!!!! :-)

I know we all know that, but sometimes I have to remind myself that this is all real and that yes, there is a baby in the next room. And yes, she belongs to Brad and I. Madness. Over this last week or so I've felt the whole gamut of emotions, but more than anything I feel incredibly thankful and so very blessed.

Here's a quick recap on the last week.

• Monday, June 22, I got to enjoy the day with my parents. They decided to come out on Sunday night even though nothing was happening because my dad had already taken the week off of work and they chose to wait out here rather than in Pittsburgh. I can't express what a lovely time I had with just them and in retrospect, it truly was a gift of perfect timing.
• 4:45 PM, Monday, June 22. My water broke. I wasn't even sure that it had really happened, because it wasn't exactly what I expected. Contractions started almost immediately and again, I wasn't sure that they were contractions because they were not at all what I expected. And when I was timing what I felt, they started at 4.5 minutes apart. That wasn't supposed to happen that way, was it?!?
• The doctor recommended heading to the hospital to check things out and Brad and I have been concerned all along about the time of day that we would head there, as it is full of traffic during construction and especially during rush hour. We were headed in the middle of rush hour, but by God's grace, hit NO traffic. It was a good thing, too, b/c by the time I made it to the hospital my contractions were about 3.5 minutes apart.
• Within the next 2.5-3 hours, I was 10 cm and ready to push. I couldn't believe how fast everything was going and the only sad part about the whole experience was that it looked like my sister Ashley and brother-in-law, Nate, would not make it in time from their drive from Washington D.C.
• I have never been so aware of the curse of sin as I was during those contractions.
• The speed of the labor was made up for in the delivery part of the birth. It took about another 2.5 hours all in all, but again, the timing worked out perfectly. Ashley ran into the delivery room with 20 minutes to spare and because she was officially born on Tuesday, my other sister, Samantha, won the baby pool. :-)
• Gabby was born on Tuesday, June 23, 12:21 AM and was 7 lbs., 15 oz. and 19 in. long. It was an incredible moment and I don't know that I'll ever find the right words to describe it.
• The days since then have felt far more like weeks. I don't mean this in a bad way. I just think that when life is reduced to 2.5-3 hr. naps, that you lose sight of day/night and it all just turns into one big blur. I can't believe she's only been here for 9 days.
• Baby girl has been doing pretty well with sleeping. At times, I've thought she would be on just the perfect schedule if we lived in China. I keep trying to explain to her that we live in the Eastern time zone, but she doesn't seem to quite grasp this. I can't really blame her. Time zones have been an elusive concept for me as well.
• Brad has been absolutely AMAZING. Truly, my love for him has gone to an entirely new level and again, I wish I had words to express my feelings. He's the most incredible dad, sacrificing so much for his wife and daughter and showing such love and grace through it all. He is a gift beyond words and I'm so grateful.

This is already way too long, so I'll spare the extra details and try and post more frequently in the future. Also, I'll include some pics, although most of my family has the really good ones, as I've not really been able to take quite as many. :-)

Gabriella Faith Leach

Still Pregnant . . .

About a month ago, I felt slightly overwhelmed with all that had to be done before Baby Girl came.  There were several major projects that needed to be completed before "the nest" was ready.  In the weeks since, however, thanks to the help of our family, friends, and wonderful husband, the nest is ready, and I've been working on just about anything and everything that I can think of to get all the "finishing touches" together.

I've run out of things to do.  Just playing the waiting game now.

And when it comes to the waiting game, well, it's not really a game I like to play so much.  During these last few days, however, there have been several times when I've been reminded of some truths in waiting seasons.

One is that I think it's so important to try and stay focused on something other than what I'm waiting for.  I say this because I've realized how easy it can be to get so self-centered on my situation, and when this happens, it's really easy to get not only impatient, but irrational.  The thought has actually occurred to me, "What if she never comes out?!?"  Clearly my brain knows this isn't possible, but when I'm focused on me, it's easy to lose sight of the reality of my situation.

When I take my eyes off of me and look around, I see how much I have for which to be thankful.  My fat feet and hands don't seem like such a big deal when I see people with much bigger needs and health problems, and I remember that pregnancy and this baby are gifts, ones that a lot of people would love to have and haven't been able to experience.  It is quite humbling.

This isn't the first time that I've been in a waiting season, and I know it certainly won't be the last.  I really do want to get better at this and am asking God for the grace to trust His timing and plans, knowing that they are far better than I could imagine.  All the days in my baby's book have been written before one of them came to be (Ps. 139).  I am so thankful that my Father is writing the book and can't wait to read the next chapter.

The Pumpkin

Well, it finally arrived today.  My Baby Center e-mail that announced that my baby is now the size of a small pumpkin.  I'm not sure if I should be encouraged by the thought that it is a "small" pumpkin.  I've been to pumpkin patches and in my opinion, thinking of any size pumpkin coming out of my body sounds like quite a job.  I guess that's why they call it labor.  Tomorrow (June 20) is Gabriella's actual due date.  I don't think I want to know what fruit comes after a "small pumpkin" should she want to delay her birthday.

I'm including my official 10 month photo.  The shirt has been stretched to the extreme.  I look back at the 5 month photo when I had to stand sideways to see the "HUGE" bump that I had at that time.  It's definitely a pretty good chuckle.  A few other thoughts for this final stretch:

• Brad's already such an amazing Daddy.  He's got the car packed, nursery ready, and talks to Gabby regularly telling her to kick and punch that water all around her so that he can meet her soon.  What a gift he is to us both.  18 months ago today we were married.  It's hard to believe all that God has done in such a short amount of time.
• This week we enjoyed, "Celebrate the Week of TWWBATDIA" (Things We Won't Be Able To Do In Awhile).  I posted it on Facebook and got quite a flurry of recommendations on how to participate.  It was funny to see my friends who haven't had kids telling me to go out, stay up all night, etc. and those who have almost unanimously said, "Sleep!"  We've been doing a mix of both.
• I was watching a show called "Amazing Births" today on Discovery Health (what I call "The Trainwreck Channel") at the the gym.  One of the stories started out with the line, "Some women dream of the opportunity to have their babies in water with the aid of dolphins."  Ummmmm . . . I have no response to that.  

We'll be updating as best as we can in the upcoming days.  Brad will probably be better than I on his blog, Facebook, or Twitter.  Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement!

Year of Champions!

So I always took great pride in the fact that I was born in Pittsburgh in the year 1979.  1979 was referred to as a Year of Champions, as it was the year that the Steelers won the Super Bowl and the Pirates won the World Series.  Now, nearly 30 years later, my daughter is going to be born in ANOTHER Year of Champions!  How cool is that?!?  Little Gabby is a champion from the very beginning.  I can tell that she's really excited about it.

Ignorant Pregnancy

Over these previous 9 months, I've found that pregnancy is a natural ice breaker for a variety of conversation topics, many of which I can honestly say I have never previously discussed in my life, nevertheless in public conversation.  While these can run the gamut from "Eeeewwwww," to "That's Just Beautiful!" one of the more entertaining conversations that has come up several times is in regard to women who did not know they were pregnant until they went into labor.

I had thought this was an urban legend, but indeed, it does happen, even enough that they actually made an entire documentary about it on the Discovery Health channel ("I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant," airs June 14, 10 PM . . . creative title, huh?).  

This has always seemed like a bizarre circumstance, but after going through pregnancy, I have to admit that it seems almost impossible to imagine going through this and not knowing why.  It does happen, though.  Morning sickness can be written off as the flu.  Some don't have much weight gain or if they do, they don't notice it.  I'm not sure how you can write off the movements in your tummy, but maybe it's thought of as bad indigestion???

In the midst of our conversation, one of my friends commented, "Well, at least you get to go through pregnancy without dealing with any of the waiting and not-so-fun parts," and while that's true, it's my opinion that having that happen would be way worse than anything that you feel during pregnancy.  I've learned that there's a reason why God gives you 10 months to prepare physically, mentally, and emotionally.  And any symptoms that do occur can be placed in the context of the season of pregnancy.  (i.e. I may be sick now, but I know it won't be forever, I don't have to worry about it, and at the end there will be new life.)

While it's really easy for me to think, "How could you possibly be so clueless as to not know you are pregnant?" I was thinking about it more last night and realized that my ignorance can be just as prevalent in some other areas of my life.  

So many times, I've found that God is working on creating a new thing in me, in my spirit, my heart, something that often takes time.  And it's usually something that I want, like more patience, humility, love, empathy, generosity.  The only thing is, that I would much prefer these beautiful "babies" to just be brought to my doorstep by the stork, rather than going through the process of actually growing them in my life.  

It's that growth process that can often be not so much fun with feelings of pain or discomfort or sacrifice, and these symptoms can create a very natural response of wanting to avert the process, or write them off as problems that I'd like to avoid and get over.  If I look at them through the lens and perspective of "pregnancy," however, realizing that God is generating and creating something that has never before been conceived, it somehow makes the process much more bearable and even enjoyable knowing that it will last for a season and at the end there will be new life.

So while this season of my first pregnancy may be coming to a close, I'm recognizing that God has been growing a lot more than just a baby inside of me.  And I pray that as our baby girl is born that He will continue to birth new life and growth inside my heart and spirit.  

Game Six

So since I have moved to Detroit, the Pens have now played the Red Wings TWICE in the Stanley Cup Finals.  Who would've ever guessed?

Last year, Brad and I had only been married about 6 months (see picture) when the revolutionary event happened and Brad learned what he has declared to be a very important lesson.  Never bet with your wife.  As he puts it, if you lose, you lose.  And if you win, you still lose. :-)

This year, we have no official friendly wagers on the game, but there is still the marital rivalry going on.  I like to think, however, that my fan base has doubled since last year making it even more fun to cheer on the Pens.  Whereas it was just me and my mother-in-law last year (she felt so sorry for me being all alone), this year we have added Samantha (my sister) and Gabby (I have declared that at least while she is still a part of me, she is a Penguins fan.  I swear she kicks whenever they score!).  There have even been a few people at church who have stood up with me.

So, as we venture into Game 6 tonight, I'm confident that we'll see how Hockeytown handles another win for the Pens!

Almost there!

Well, the official 9 month mark (36 weeks) has come and gone.  This Friday, I will move to 38 weeks!  Here are a few musings on this last stretch of the pregnancy adventure.

• I've been amazed watching the transition of my fingers and feet over the last week or so.  I think they resemble the Michelin man, or perhaps Princess Fiona from Shrek.  I'm assuming that they will go down again after the baby is born?  I would like to wear my wedding ring again soon. :-)
• Over the last month or so, my belly button has completely popped.  It kind of makes me feel like a Thanksgiving turkey.  I think she is just about done cooking. :-)
  
• And speaking of birds . . . I have a whole new understanding about the term "nesting."  I believe that I had avoided it until Brad graduated and we could both really focus on getting physically ready for Gabby.  Once we started, it was difficult for me to stop.  I found myself doing very strange things like waking up at 5 AM unable to go back to sleep because of an irresistible desire to wash all the baby clothes and sheets.  Brad has been so patient, supportive, and creative throughout this project and I'm so thankful for all he has done to get the "nest" ready.  Mama Bird is very happy. :-)  I've included some pics in case you're interested.
• We traded in my Honda Civic for a family-friendly car.  We weren't quite ready to enter the era of the mini-van so we went with a nice crossover, the Ford Edge.  It even has a red racing stripe on it which makes us still feel not quite old.  The car seat is installed and ready to go!

All we need now is Baby bird!  We are so eager to meet her and yet at the same time, it's pretty surreal to think that in about 2 weeks, we'll actually have a baby with us.  What a gift from God and we're certainly going to need His help to understand the "instruction manual" with this little girl. :-) Thanks for all your prayers!

Pretty Little Flower Weeds

Since Spring has sprung on our little neighborhood of Berkley, the sights and sounds of lawnmowers and landscaping have once again permeated the neighborhood.  It's fun to see people outside again.  I so admire the people who have their lawns looking so well-manicured, colorful, and pretty.  I confess, however, I do not enjoy this same passion.

I don't really like to dig around in the dirt.  It's not the dirtiness I mind as much as the bugs.  I really don't like the worms and bugs.

And then there's this whole thing of weeding.  I hate weeding.  It never goes away.  No matter how many times I pull up those stinkin' weeds, they always come back.  Very quickly, might I add.

And the ones that REALLY get me are the ones that I call "ninja weeds."  They are the weeds that sneak up on you because they don't really look like weeds.  They disguise themselves as pretty, little flowers.  We had a large patch of pretty, little purple flowers in our front lawn this year which I thought were just delightful.  Then, I was told that they were actually weeds and that they had to go!  Imagine, the sneakiness of those weeds!  Pretending to be flowers and all the while they are just waiting to pounce upon the healthy growth of our grass.

It made me think twice about the various "gardening habits" that I cultivate in my own life.  When I go through life day to day, experiencing various circumstances and interactions with people, attitudes and thinking patterns naturally will begin to grow in my heart.  

Sometimes, these are obviously beautiful, healthy flowers.  Time spent with a trusted friend builds encouragement, love, and delight in my heart and adds "fertilizer" to the growth that may have already been there.

Other times, they are obviously weeds.  When I spend my time watching shows with unhealthy images, or around people that bring out negative behaviors in me, weeds like gossip or deceit or self-indulgence can be fertilized, thereby choking out the healthy growth of the aforementioned "flowers."  These weeds need to be picked and thrown out quite regularly.

The ones of which I've become more aware, however, are the "pretty little flower weeds" that can tend to grow in my heart.  These aren't obviously "bad," but when I begin to analyze the growth that comes from them, I see they don't really produce flowers at all.  

For example, I can indulge in romantic comedies or romance novels, and if I'm not careful, I can begin to compare my life, my marriage, my home, or any number of other things to a fantasy ideal that doesn't even exist.  And the "pretty, little flower weeds" of discontent and anxiety begin to spring up.  While these things may not be inherently "bad" or cause this sort of growth all the time, I've become aware of the need to be proactive about noticing what these sorts of things can do to my heart and be just as vigilant about pulling the "ninja weeds" as I am the obvious ones.

God, through the Holy Spirit, is the master Gardener of my heart and I need to look to Him for the guidance on a daily basis.  Through His grace, I will be able to enjoy the rewards of the "pretty, little flowers" in my garden, without having to be tricked by the weeds.

Master Baby

This weekend marked a monumental celebration in the Leach household . . . Brad graduated with his Master's Degree in Church Leadership from Assembly of God Theological Seminary!

I am so proud of him and although I couldn't physically be there, I made sure he took a picture so I could see how cute he looked in his cap and gown. :-)

It's pretty amazing to see this phase complete, as it was one of the first "big" things we discussed in the context of our relationship back in June 2007.  While we had no certainty of the course of things ahead, I really knew this was a great opportunity for him and encouraged him to pursue it if he so desired.  Looking back on things now, I see how providential God was in His timing to allow Brad to finish this season just in time before life would change once again when he's a Daddy!  He really does seem to have these things planned out pretty well. :-)

Congratulations, Master Baby. :-) I love you and am so proud of you!!!

33 Weeks!

So I was a little late on this posting as I should have posted it at 32 weeks.  I'm actually at about 33.5 weeks today, so I have about 6.5 weeks left!  Crazy.  I didn't manage to get a new picture in the same shirt, but here is a picture in another outfit.  Ironically, I wore that t-shirt originally to point out the "big belly" that I had at 5 months.  It's not really necessary any more.

Here are some observations for month 8 of the pregnancy.

• It's really quite convenient having a nice little "shelf" any time I need it.  It's come in quite handy to store some snacks there while I do something else with my hands (typing on the computer for instance).
• I would have thought that it was a good idea to let the mother "store up" sleep in the months before the baby is born knowing what was coming soon thereafter.  God thought it better to prepare the mom for the new "sleep schedule" (or lack of it) in the months leading up to the birth.  Between never really getting comfortable in bed and needing to pee an extraordinary amount of times in one day, sleep is rather elusive.
• And speaking of peeing . . . the other night when I was feeling especially frustrated about the number of times I had to get up, I decided to make myself feel better by pretending that I had a superpower that I could pee more than anyone else in the world.  I gave myself the name "The Urinator" and looked at the toilet saying, "I'll be back," in my best Arnold accent as I left the bathroom.  Strangely enough, it did make me feel better.
• I can actually make out particular body parts of Gabriella at this point if I push around in my stomach just so.  Even though my brain has understood this for a while now, it still kind of weirds me out to realize there is a head inside of me.
• Over the last few days/weeks, I have caught myself doing 2 of the quintessential pregnancy characteristics: crying at the drop of a hat and "the waddle."  I always thought these were pregnancy jokes used on sitcoms, but they're pretty real.
• I have come to appreciate little things in life that are temporarily out of my realm of possibility, such as the ability to pick things up from the ground when I drop them.  Usually when this happens I spend about 5 seconds simply staring at the object, wondering how this occurred.  Then, I spend another 5-10 seconds, trying to think like Master Yoda and use the force to pick the object up.  This has yet to work.  So, I finally spend another 10 seconds or so acting like a primate, trying to pick up the object with my toes.  Thank God for opposable thumbs.
• Despite any of these minor "inconveniences" I really have been so thankful for this pregnancy and can't wait to meet Gabriella soon! :-) Thank you so much for all your prayers!

New Set of Lenses

Something very interesting happened to me the other day.  When it did, I knew that I was officially entering a new season of life.  Let me try and recreate.

Brad and I were watching TV when a particular commercial came on advertising kids meals for a fast-food restaurant.  I confess, that when I first saw it, I chuckled.  I thought it was funny and bizarre and fun.  It didn't take too long, however, for me to stop mid-chuckle, and realize that this commercial was aimed at kids, and when I thought of my little girl watching this commercial, imitating the words or actions of the characters, suddenly I didn't think it was so funny anymore.  

I realized that I was now looking at the world through a new set of lenses, through the eyes of a parent.  I remember an older friend of mine telling me how she saw the checkout counters at the supermarket in a whole new way when her kids were in the cart and could start to read the magazine and tabloid headlines.  These "glasses" tend to change everything.

Over these last few months, I've spent a lot of time thinking and preparing for the whole birth process, and getting physically ready for the baby to come.  I haven't spent as much time, however, thinking about all the facets to actually parenting, probably because when I do, I become so overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all that I'm not sure even where to begin.  

Working with students and kids ministry these past few years, I've always said that the job of a parent is the most important and probably most difficult job that you can have.  I think I'm understanding that on an entirely new level now, and I'm sure that this learning curve is just beginning.  Brad and I have been praying for an increased measure of wisdom and discernment as we enter this new adventure, as I know more than ever, that we cannot do this on our own.  I'm so thankful for friends, church family, and our own family that we can very tangibly count on and talk to through this new season as well.  These new lenses are a pretty amazing gift.

I Dreamed a Dream

I realize I'm a little behind the rest of the world on this one, but my sister sent me a link to this You Tube video of Susan Boyle, a 47 year-old, unemployed, single woman who lives with her cat and has never been kissed.  She recently auditioned on Britain's huge talent show, "Britain's Got Talent."  If you haven't seen it, you must check it out here.  When I watched it this morning, it had over 12,000,000 hits since it was first posted on Saturday.  Tonight it has close to 15,000,000.

I seriously got tears in my eyes when I first watched this and I've been thinking about it all day.  It's made me think twice about why it had such an impact on me.  More than anything, I think it's such a powerful picture of someone pursuing and seeing a dream fulfilled.  Obviously, I have no idea about what kind of relationship this woman has with Jesus, but it spoke to my heart that it is never too late or impossible to have God fulfill the dreams He has placed on our hearts.  And when He does do that, it can't help but bring joy to the people with whom we come in contact.  I don't think I've ever seen Simon Cowell smile like he does in this clip.  

Enjoy the video if you haven't already seen it and continue to dream and pursue the dreams that God has placed in your heart! 

Daddy's Voice

I mentioned in my last baby update that although it's hard to compare with other babies, I've been experiencing the joys of what I think is a very active baby.  I can't quite tell which body part it is that is doing the movement, but she seems to be having lots of fun kicking, punching, and twirling around in there.

I'm also starting to notice a particular pattern to her movements.  She usually seems more active after I eat and it seems like one of her favorite times to work on her gymnastic routine is right before I want to go to sleep.  The one that's been most amazing to me, however, is the way she responds to Brad's voice.

I'm really serious about this.  I've noticed over the past few months that whenever we are sitting in church and she hears Brad's voice in a microphone, within minutes, my girl starts having a party in my tummy!  (She's probably saying, "Amen, Daddy!  Right on!  Indeed!") :-) And even though she's become more active in general over these last few weeks, there's definitely a distinction when Brad is speaking in a microphone verses when someone else is speaking.  When it's Brad, she's a lot more active versus someone else for whom she will barely move if at all.  I truly think it's quite incredible.

Two things about this that made me think:

• I can't tell you how much it delights Brad to hear about her movements.  He loves knowing that his little girl knows his voice.  It has to be just a small glimpse of how our Heavenly Father must feel when we take the time to listen and respond to His voice.
• My mother-in-law was telling me that she heard that sometimes it's hard for the baby to hear things really clearly in the midst of all the amniotic fluid and heartbeats and all those other sounds that constantly surround her.  Maybe there's something to Brad using a microphone that helps her to recognize the voice she's been hearing since she grew ears. :-)  I was thinking about all the things in our lives that can tend to drown out the voice of God from day-to-day . . . busyness, anxiety, emotions, tiredness, celebrations.  They can seem like good or bad things, but either way, they certainly seem to shout above the consistent, quiet voice of the LORD.  I think praise is really the microphone that helps us to hear God's voice in the midst of these distractions.  Inherent to praise is choosing to take our eyes off of our current situation and on to Someone much bigger.  And because He abides in the praises of His people, all competing distractions must flee.  God is always bigger.

All these things my baby is teaching me about Jesus and she hasn't even been born yet.  I can only imagine what a teacher she'll be for me when I can actually see her little ears and hear her little voice. :-)

Sham-WOW!

So do you think we should invest in one of these for Gabriella?  You can never start teaching her chores too early, right? :-)

The Quest Continues . . .

So each Easter, my quest to find the ultimate jelly bean continues.  It started at a very young age, as I can remember my dad sitting me in a vat of jellybeans at our candy factory that completely covered all of me except my head.  Pretty much a dream come true. :-)

Since then, I've gone the more commercial route and for a few years Starburst jellybeans had taken the lead.  Great flavor and I like the texture of the harder shell w/ a chewy inside.

Last year, Nerds jellybeans made a surprising jump to the top of my list as I really liked the flavor and texture combination with the bumpy & sugary outer shell even more than the Starburst.  These seem to be a bit harder to find, however.

So, last night I tried Sweet Tarts jellybeans (so new that I couldn't find a picture).  The verdict is still out on these.  They have definitely captured the Sweet Tart flavor in the jellybeans to a key.  I enjoy them, and would put them in my top 5, but probably not as #1.  

Any other votes out there for the rank of "Top Bean?"

7 Months (and 1 Week)

I tried posting this last week, but when I went to publish it, it disappeared. :-(

Last Friday marked 28 weeks.  That's 7 months and an official jump to the 3rd Trimester.  Yay! 

I'm posting a new picture (in the same outfit for comparison) and you can see that our little girl is definitely growing bigger.  In fact, last week, my BabyCenter.com e-mail said that she was the size of a Chinese Cabbage.  It's been kinda fun seeing what fruit/vegetable my baby is each week.  Brad is simply astonished that fruit and vegetables have nationalities (Chinese cabbage, English cucumber, etc.).

It's hard for me to compare, but I have to say that this little baby is pretty active.  It continually astounds me to see my stomach moving like a bubbling volcano.  I'm really trying to be intentional about "enjoying the ride" of pregnancy, not just wanting it to be over (although I'm getting more and more anxious to actually hold her in my arms).  Overall, it's been a really great pregnancy and God has blessed both of us with good health, and a great husband/daddy who supports and cares for us.  

Thanks for all your continued prayers!  We appreciate them more than you know.

Sign of the Times

I was reading in my Bible the other day a passage that I have read many times before, but never quite caught on to it.  I always kind of chuckle when I read it because it's clear that the disciples didn't get it either when Jesus first talked to them about it.  Silly disciples. :-)

In Matthew 16, Jesus had just ended a conversation with the Pharisees who were trying to test Him, to ask Him for a sign from Heaven.  When Jesus is later talking with His disciples, He tells them to beware of the "yeast of the Pharisees," a comment that prompted the disciples to assume that He was referring to their forgetfulness in bringing any bread on their trip.  You can't really blame them.  First of all, if you forgot to bring bread in the middle of a long day's trip, it's probably all you can really think about.  "What are we going to eat today?!?"  And secondly, referring to something as a "yeast of the Pharisees" is just plain weird.

It was Jesus' response that really struck me this time.  He reminded them of the time He fed the 5,000, and how many basketfuls of bread they collected at the end of the day.  And then there was the time He fed the 4,000 and all the basketfuls they had at the end of that day.  And through this explanation, the disciples realized that Jesus wasn't referring to food, but to a much more subversive and subtle danger, the teaching of the Pharisees.

I suppose it struck me because I suddenly saw a lot of relevance to the whole conversation.  Nationwide, it's an incredibly precarious time, with every day bringing new headlines of bankruptcies, recession, and billions of dollars of bail outs.  In our city, especially, you can't open a newspaper or listen to the news for more than 5 minutes without hearing some story of new job losses representing thousands of Detroiters who are now out of work.  

With all of these stories surrounding us, it's pretty hard to not think about taking care of the basic necessities of life . . . what will happen to our house?  Will we be able to pay the bills?  What will we eat this week?  Will I still have a job next week?  I've realized that many times, the anxiety and tension are so pervasive through our culture right now, that it's really easy for them to invade my thinking without even noticing.  And they don't only invade my thinking.  They consume my thinking.  They become all I can think about and can very quickly turn into a down-spiral of depression or despair.

That's where Jesus' response comes in.  Just like He reminded the disciples when all they could think about was their next meal, He reminds me of all the miracles He has done in my own life, all the times He has provided exceedingly and abundantly beyond all my needs.  And He reminds me to be on the lookout of something much more important than worrying about my next meal.  

I need to be aware of fighting against this spirit of trying to test God, of begging Him for some kind of sign, some kind of huge proof of who He is rather than acknowledging what is right there in front of my face.  And this kind of thinking behaves exactly like Jesus explained when He called it a "yeast."  It starts off tiny and small, almost imperceptible, but given time in a dark and cool place, it quickly grows and pervades the whole batch of "dough."  That Jesus . . . He's one smart man, isn't He? :-)

I'm praying for the wisdom to be proactive in fighting against this mindset, for courage and an increase of faith for God to take care of our needs, and to have opportunities to speak life and hope into the desperate situations that are all around us.