Catch Up

Well the paper is turned in and I'm back to the blogosphere. Few random thoughts that are running through my head:

• I'm really excited about the opportunity for Mark Batterson to come to Pittsburgh tomorrow. After reading his books and blog over these past few months, God's really used his ministry to bless and challenge me in a lot of ways. I'm excited for God to continue to do great things to those who are able to share in the time tomorrow. If you're interested in coming, Mark will be at North Way at 7 PM tomorrow (Weds.).
• I actually really enjoyed writing my research paper and I feel a lot more knowledgeable about this whole blogging thing. The class I'm taking is called "Church and the Media" and the paper I wrote was on blogging and the church. Here's the premise I used: the same communication strategies used in blogging as well as many of the same inherent qualities used in blogging are very similar to the same strategies and medium that Paul chose when he wrote letters to various churches, many of which are our New Testament today. In essence, Philippians was a low-tech blog. Kind of crazy thought, huh? Clearly blogs of pastors today can't be viewed on the same level as the New Testament epistles, but I really think they have the potential to have influence and impact that is exponential! Made me excited to get back to blogging and join all the rest of you influencers in our blogosphere. :-)

Wedding Bells!

I know I'm supposed to be writing a research paper, but I just had to take a break to blog my excitement over my cousin's recent engagement! My cousin Dana called this morning and shared her story of how she got engaged yesterday . . . in the White House Library . . . with the candlestick. (Sorry. Couldn't resist the Clue reference.)

Anyway, Dana is a White House staffer and met her fiance, Tom, at the event that she coordinated at the White House for Greek Independence Day last year. He used the same occasion this year to propose and then surprised her w/ all their family pouring out of the adjacent bathroom after she said, "Yes!" (Then she had to go finish working for the event. What a girl . . .) Actually, in order to carry out the proposal in this way, they had to get permission from Dana's boss (which would be the President) and Tom's boss (which would be Nancy Pelosi). The First Lady blessed the occasion by picking the most beautiful room and the flowers. Real typical, huh? :-)

You can see the picture of their engagement taken by a White House photographer who was hiding in the room, and the event was also sent out as a press release yesterday to the news bureaus (they're in today's Style section of the Washington Post). Congrats Dana and Tom! :-)

Still Mad?

So, this is for all of you who have been sufferring from "madness" each time you looked for an update and just kept seeing "Madness" for the last week (a.k.a. Jen). :-) I apologize for the lack of posts and for the fact that this will be weak as well. I've got a lot of homework right now and I'll be back just as soon as my paper is turned in on Tuesday (or until I'm looking for another way to procrastinate in the meantime). :-) Thanks for your patience.

Madness

So if we can't have football, I'm going to have to say that March Madness comes in a very close second. I first became engrossed in the Madness culture in 7th grade. My teacher had us fill out brackets and offered extra credit for the top 3 winners in the class. Always up for competition and extra credit, I started writing down names of schools using the incredibly scientific process of choosing teams that had a pretty sounding name and asking my teacher who was any good. She said that Duke was her favorite team, so I put them down and picked them to go all the way. That was the year of Christian Laetner's infamous last second shot against Kentucky. I came in second and have been a Duke fan ever since.
With Coach K out of it, I can now focus on cheering for my bracket. Last year I had the blessing of falling deathly ill on the Tuesday before Madness (104 fever for 4 days). While I normally wouldn't be so excited about infirmity, it provided a great opportunity for my sister Ashley and I to bond while watching an inordinate amount of basketball. This year, Ashley lives in D.C. and I'm unfortunately pretty healthy. Not nearly as much fun. :-)

Happy Pi Day

Yep. It's March 14. That's 3.14 and as all good math students know that would be "Pi Day." (It's nice that I've finally embraced my nerdom in later years . . . very freeing.) My brother-in-law and sister sent me an e-mail earlier this week that resonated with my ongoing reoccurring dream... nightmare... that I've had probably since Kindergarten (I arrive to class and they're passing out a test that I didn't even know was being given and I haven't studied . . . Normal, huh?).

The subject line was "We've all been frustrated in exams," and then there was simply attachments of pictures from exams of students who may not have been having their greatest math moments, but their creativity, well, I'll let you decide. I'll include some of my favorites. :-) Pay attention to the directions to each problem. Click on the image if you need it to be bigger.

Noggin

May 2006 ... I was sitting in my office on a particularly quiet Friday feeling very proud about all the work I was getting done. I was focused, on a roll, in the zone of productivity when my determination was interrupted by a gentle "tap, tap, tapping" on the window. I turned, saw nothing and went back to my zone, when I clearly heard the sound once again. Looking a little closer now, I saw the nemesis of my concentration: a vibrant, scarlet cardinal hopping on my window sill, tapping his equally bright yellow beak against the glass. I smiled at the little guy and turned back around, trying to get back to my happy work place that I was so blissfully enjoying.

My thoughts were quickly diverted when the "tap, tap, tapping" was replaced with a brash and violent bash and I caught out of the corner of my eye a red blur dropping to the ground. I ran to the window and saw the little bird shake himself off, fly back to the nearby tree, and, yes, fly at full velocity into the very same window. I'd like to say that I reacted with a sense of compassion and empathy for my directionally challenged new friend. I'd like to say that, but honestly my loud laughter was coupled with the thought of, "What a dumb bird!"

Fast forward six hours later. The novelty and humor of the situation has worn off due to the constant sound of the bludgeoning of a small cardinal head and my window. I'll give him credit. He tried new tactics, new flight patterns, new speeds, giving a whole new meaning to both the term "perseverance" and "insanity," never convinced that he was devoting his day to an impossible dream. I left work slightly annoyed and desirous to share my plight of being a reluctant ornithologist to my co-workers.

I didn't have to work long for their empathy. They were quickly pulled into the situation the next day when the bird returned, begging for more, once again clocking his 8 hr. day by trying to break through the window. When it continued throughout the next week we tried everything to redirect his efforts: window clings, talking to him, tapping back at him, yelling at him, threatening him. Nothing. So, we did the only thing that was left. We made him our unofficial mascot and named him Noggin.

Noggin continued to enjoy the office window for the remainder of the summer until sometime towards the end of October (save one week in July when I think he went on vacation). And with the advent of the snow and colder weather, Noggin ditched Wexford, PA. Last week, I found myself wondering about my little friend, hoping that he survived the cold temps and maybe was enjoying a lovely bay window along a Gulf Coast condo.

My Noggin musings were answered this morning when I was checking my e-mails before services and I heard the gentle "tap, tap, tapping" one more time. Yep, he was back. I squealed with glee and said, "Welcome Home!" to dear Noggin, as it seems like he only likes to work during Daylight Savings Time. It even seems that he's now brought a girlfriend with him, although my amateur Audubon skills tell me that she's a sparrow, not a cardinal. Poor guy must've banged his head on that window one too many times to know the difference. I'm not sure if he was trying to show off to her or if he was just revitalized from the rest, but my man was attacking the window with a new vengeance today.

Believe it or not, in the months of my "relationship" with Noggin, God has actually brought him to mind, showing me an all-too-often picture of my own behaviors and mindsets. Sometimes I'm working towards a goal or project or praying/begging God to answer a particular prayer request of mine, and I'm met with failure or closed doors or a flat out, "No." Instead of submitting to the guidance, I react with more determination thinking, "If I work harder or faster or more often perhaps then ..." or, "If I rephrase the question or try and manipulate the situation, then maybe ..."

Over and over my efforts are more determined while I bash my head again and again into the looking glass of my misperceived dreams. And my Father's reaction? Often simply standing there, lovingly tapping back at me saying, "No, Leah. Not this way. Turn around. There's a whole other world out there for you to explore if you just trust me and follow me here." Sometimes I suffer more of a migraine than others, depending on my obedience reaction time, but I continually discover, not so surprisingly, that He's right. I truly do, "see but a poor reflection as in a mirror" and until I can "see face to face," I need navigational guidance. Until I no longer "know in part" I need Someone who "knows fully, even as I am fully known." (I Cor. 13:12)

I'm so thankful for God's patience and grace with my "Nogginy" nature and can only pray that I can react the same way with my dear friend until October comes once again. :-)

Socks in the Dryer

You know it's never good when you're exhausted going into the start of Daylight Savings Time. How sad does it make you to have to watch that hour of sleep go away with every change of the clock. One question that really troubles me twice every year, though. Each year I vow to figure out the answer and each year my desire for sleep overcomes my curiosity.

What happens to television shows at that 2 AM hour? Particularly, what about the advertisers who have paid for television time at 2 AM? Do they repeat stuff in the fall? Do they scrap someone out in the spring? Maybe the shows and commercials get lost in the same dimension that one of each pair of socks goes when they are in the dryer.

Ahhh, the mysteries of life.

Rockin Rollercoaster

My family is pretty much a Disney World fanatic. Our last trip was about 7 years ago and that was our 4th time there. We love the place and are determined to suck up every drop of Disney while we are there. We stay on Disney property so that we can go into the park at 7 AM and leave at 1 AM . . . and we do this for 5 days. It's intense to be sure, and in order to make the most of our time, we must have a strategy of execution.

Last trip, my dad found this book, The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World, and he would read it right alongside his Bible each morning. We made a game plan, maps to follow, shortcuts through bathrooms, all designed to get us to Splash Mountain in a new record time before even the workers had a chance to get in line. We would literally run through the park past all the other ignorant saps who would wander about aimlessly spending their time in the Tiki Room when The Tower of Terror was calling their name.

The one part of the trip that will forever stick out in my mind, however, was our ride on the Rockin' Rollercoaster in MGM Studios. It wasn't supposed to open for another month and our guidebook did not even mention it, so it was with great uncertainty that we wandered over to the almost clandestine entrance to the "sneak preview" of the ride. We had no idea what to expect and when we saw a maintenance person walk past us with a toolbox in hand as we waited in line we wondered if this was really a good idea. We pressed on into the unknown, however, prepped in classic Disney fashion by Aerosmith who simply told us that we were getting into a "limo" in order to make it to their concert on time.

Nothing, I repeat, nothing could have ever prepared me for that ride. I had never experienced anything like it, nor do I think I ever have again. You enter the car and prepare to go through a tunnel, but before you can adjust your seat belt, you are shot through the tunnel like a bullet coming out of a gun. I'm quite sure we reached 974 MPH (or something pretty close to that) and maintained that velocity for the remainder of the ride. At the end I had drool coming down the side of my face because I hadn't swallowed or breathed in the previous 2 minutes. We got off and got right back in line and although it was still pretty incredible, it still couldn't compare with that first time.

I was reminiscing about the Rockin' Rollercoaster these past few days, recognizing that my walk with God so often feels like my favorite Disney ride. I will map out my plan, my strategy, my time lines, which is truly an important step to take. I think God can really guide our planning and use it to prepare us for what's in store.

Then, there's lots of time spent waiting in line, getting prepped for what's ahead, talking to the other soon-to-be passengers about what can be expected, and honestly many times, I feel like I'm waiting in line far longer than I'd like. When God moves, however, He moves, and usually much faster than I would have ever anticipated. I feel like I'm strapping into my seat and before I can say, "I'm ready, God" He's shot me off on an adventure that is moving at 974 MPH (or pretty close to it) that quite literally leaves me breathless. If I try and strain my neck to see what's coming next or move against the centrifugal forces against me, I quickly become tired and sore and even scared wondering if this is really a safe thing for me to be doing.

And then I remember it's not. It was never supposed to be. As Lucy found out about Aslan in C.S. Lewis' The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, he's not safe, but he's good. And the reason why the ride is so incredible is because it's unscripted, unplanned, and unknown. So, I put my head back, laugh, and enjoy the wild, rockin' ride that He's taking me on, knowing that it's good in the best sense of the word (and I might have to wipe off my drool again when it's over). :-)

Peter Pan Moment

I had such a weird moment the other day. I was listening to the news and they were talking about the enormous stock market crash that happened in an afternoon. "NASDAQ blah blah blah DOW Jones blah blah blah Chinese Market blah blah blah." I really didn't care about anything to do with this story nor did I find it to be at all interesting like those other "big people" stories.

Then they made the statement, "A lot of people lost a lot of money today," and this thought occurred to me. "Hey! I'm one of those people! I should listen and at least try and pay attention." I'm not sure when I officially became a grown up, but I always assumed that the transition would bring with it an increased appetite for these grown up things. What would Peter Pan have to say about that?

Worth a Thousand Words

I had a lovely dinner this weekend at a restaurant that I had never visited before. It had an interesting decor to it, trying to be family style and trendy all at the same time. One of the things that stuck out to me, however, was a wall that they had in the back of the restaurant that was completely covered with old photographs very similar to this one. There were probably 50 pictures of various sizes each featuring a different portrait of men and woman of differing ages and colors and shapes making quite a unique wall hanging to the already eccentric restaurant.

What first struck me as a novel choice of decor, however, immediately resonated with my spirit as something far more than simply a wall garnish. I realized that these were not just photographs, but that each one represented a real person, an actual one-of-a-kind human being that lived and worked and dreamed and eventually passed from this world. What was their story? What did they want to be when they grew up? Did they ever expect to be memorialized one day on the wall of a restaurant?

I was reminded once again about the profound nature of the God we serve. To Him, they were not just pictures, but each one was His masterpiece, His creation fashioned in His image to which He knows the intimate, detailed answers to each one of my questions. What's more, this same God knows me and loves me and thinks about me all the time (Ps. 139:18), bringing about an overwhelming sense of humble confidence. Humility because I know that I don't deserve it and I can't believe someone so indescribably wonderful would feel that way about me. And confidence because if He feels that way about me, then I should not allow my silly insecurities to drive my behavior because the God of the universe loves me!!!

I pray that God would give me His perspective on my story and how it is so closely connected to the portraits of countless others on the wall of history. May the legacy of my life bring glory to Him in a way that drives others to see the Bigness of our Father and inspire them with a sense of humble confidence whether they're learning about my story through a friendship, through this blog, or maybe even on the wall of a restaurant someday. :-)

Prayer Blog

As a church leadership team we're engaging in a period of prayer and fasting for the next few weeks until Easter. One particular tool that we're using on a weekly basis is a prayer blog that I thought was very cool. I was very proud of many of our established leaders who are entering the blogosphere for the first time. Here's a link if you want to check it out.

Scarface

Most people who know me fairly well know me to be a competitive person. I wouldn't call myself a "cut-throat, win-at-all-costs" kind of person, but when I'm playing a game, I certainly am playing to win. I love to compete and I love watching and playing sports for that reason. I must confess, though, that although God hard-wired me with a passion for athletics, He decided to gift me more on a continuum of "Rudy" rather than "The Natural."

My one and only year of playing basketball on an actual competitive team was in eighth grade. It was the first year our school had a team and there were maybe eight girls that came out total; I got to play a lot by default. I was forbidden to dribble the ball down the court and I'm not sure that my season point total ever went into double digits, but I could certainly do a mean chest pass and I played defense like no other. Anyone who entered my zone found me as their shadow and I had even more fun defending in a man-to-man. My passion for defense often left me trying to get the ball at all costs, often falling on the floor in a less-than graceful, but ever so dramatic fashion.

One game is indelibly etched in my mind. We played an away game on a carpeted gym. One girl from the other team started to go on a breakaway, and I was determined not to let her get there. The good news was that she did not get through to get the basket. The bad news was that in the process, my dramatic steal/fall left me with 2-inch, large brush burns on both of my knees and elbows. I wore knee pads to play after that.

Needless to say, I have since recovered from the physical injuries of my basketball career, but occasionally, I'll happen to glance down at my knees or elbow and notice the faded reminders of 2-inch brush burns that left me unable to bend for a week. The pain has left me, but the scar serves as a reminder of the experience and the lessons I learned from it (i.e. Let her get the two points).

My brush burn scars are not the only scars on my body and I confess that all too often I will look at all of them with disdain and regret. What God's really shown me, however, is that a scar should not be seen as something to be hidden, but rather something to be remembered. I cannot look at a scar without remembering where I got it and in the process I recognize that I am no longer the same. I am different. I've learned something. I am changed. The scar is evidence of the stories of my life that have made me who I am today.

My experience with the carpeted gym certainly did not taint me from ever playing basketball again. On the contrary, it taught me how to prepare myself so that I could play better in the future. In the same way, I cannot let my physical and emotional scars prohibit me from venturing forward in the adventures to where God is calling me.

When Jesus appeared to His disciples after His resurrection in His glorified, perfect body, I find it incredibly profound that His scars from His crucifixion remained. They were completely healed, but they were crucial in His testimony to Thomas and so many others, showing them that He was who He said He was and that His Father was who He said He was. In the same way, I will choose to use my scars to learn from them and even boast about them, showing them to others as evidence of God's faithfulness in my life.

I'm In!

I have the chance tomorrow to teach a piece of our new members class, something I had the opportunity to do for the first time last month. I really enjoyed it, as it caused me to remember when I was in that place almost six years ago, and the journey on which God had brought me that led me to North Way. The picture that I used to explain it, like all great illustrations, actually had to do with the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Now, if you've had the chance to read even a few postings on my blog, it's not hard to figure out that I'm a pretty passionate Steeler fan. Things were not always this way, however. While I think I became a Steeler fan by birth, I didn't really care to watch a football game if they weren't playing and if they weren't playing well, I didn't really follow at all. Something very strange started happening about three years ago, however.

Big Ben had just started into his rookie season and they were setting record after record and I found myself watching channel 180 (the NFL Network) a lot, and sitting down and watching football games even when the Steelers weren't playing. I didn't really care so much about other teams. I just knew that how they played would ultimately affect the Steelers, so I suddenly found myself watching, reading, and talking about football on a daily basis.

My ultimate point of commitment came as we entered the playoffs that year. I found myself at Dick's Sporting goods standing in front of a rack of jerseys, trying to decide if I should make the commitment to purchase one. Now, besides the fact that this one article of clothing was equivalent to three months of my clothing budget, I realized that if I purchased this jersey, it was going to be a big emotional investment for me. By putting on the shirt, I was saying that I was a Steelers fan through and through, for better or worse, and no matter where I went, everyone would know it.

Needless to say, I bought the shirt. #51. James Farrior. I'm a defense girl. :-)

When I graduated from college, I found myself "out on my own" in a lot of ways, making my own decisions and choices for the first time as a "real" adult. I absolutely loved the church that I grew up in and I loved the church that I started attending when I was in college and for a while, I thought it was great to go to both. The Holy Spirit really convicted me, however, about the importance of committing to a particular church body, to channel your money, energy, gifts and passions to one local church where He calls and to "join the team," so to speak. After a lot of prayer, I felt that God was leading me to jump into membership at North Way, and a crazy six months later, I found myself working there in student ministry.

As I learned this past football season, being a Steeler fan is not always ice cream and roses. The bumps that we took this year, however, did not change my commitment to my team and I'm still wearing my jersey whenever I can. I imagine that experience with any local church body is very similar. The Church is full of people, people who, unlike our Father, are not perfect. There are going to be problems and situations that are difficult and even painful. The answer to those sorts of situations, however is not to pull out of the Church completely, secluding oneself to a life of isolation and cynicism.

I believe the local church is God's instrument to share the gift of His salvation and grace with a world who needs Him. I pray that God would continue to expand the growth and influence of not just North Way, but His greater Church in Pittsburgh and beyond.

Once Upon A Time . . .

I love a really good story. The Lord of the Rings and the Star Wars movies (episodes 4-6) are some of my favorites, because they tell such a compelling and gripping story through a beautifully written trilogy. I love to look at each work as a whole, but if I had to pick out one part of the series that was my favorite, both The Two Towers (the second book) and The Empire Strikes Back (the second movie), would be it. It seems a little sadistic because in both cases, the second book and movie end with the heroes and heroines in their darkest hours. The dreams birthed in their hearts at the beginning of their adventurous journeys have met with resistance, strong resistance, and at the end of Book/Movie 2, it seems as if all hope is lost.

I guess the reason I love the middle of these stories so much is because as the reader, we realize that all hope is not lost. We may not know all the details, but we know that there's another book to be read, another movie to be seen, and that somehow, the author that has brought us along this far will continue to craft a good story and fulfill the dreams of the hero and heroine that we love. And, ironically enough, it's the aversion, the despair, the darkest hours of "Book Two" that make us love the "happily ever after" even more, isn't it?

While I love reading trilogies, I sometimes find it difficult to live in the storyline of an epic. I don't say this in a narcissistic way, yet I'm simply referring to the intricate plot and plan that our Father has crafted for each one of us. It's a lot more difficult to live in the midst of those dark nights of the soul, because we can't see "Book Three" right in front of us. Many times, we're not sure if we're even close to "Book Three," the time when our dreams are fulfilled in the most eloquent writing of an Author who is Good in the best sense of the word. Living in that uncertainty, that unknown, that season of "all is lost" with an undefined end is a difficult place to live. I confess, that in some of those dark moments, I've begged my Author to just give me something, some indication of the end, even if it's just to tell me how much longer Book Two is going to be. I can't say that an answer has ever come.

What has come, however, is a revelation to my spirit, one that is simple yet has a profound impact on me. It is simply a question: does it matter? If my Author did tell me the ending, if He did tell me that it would come in just a few more chapters, or instead that I had a long way to go, would it change my actions now? Would I quit if I still had a long journey ahead of me as opposed to "hanging in there" if I knew it was almost done? Would knowing exactly how the ending turned out change how I should react in this dark moment?

The answer to me is clear. "No."

The simple question brings a Truth and a light that ever so briefly dissipates the fog of my despair because I see that there is something even more important than my happy ending . . . my Author. As long as I remember that He is my Author and that He is scripting the story, I see that even the end of Book Two doesn't matter, because He has written it and He is Good. It gives me courage, like Sam at the end of The Two Towers, to pick up the ring and press on along the long and dangerous journey, knowing that although I may not know the way, I must continue, I must persevere, I must trust that the Author is Good.

And what I'm discovering is that the Author is Good beyond even my wildest imaginations. His writing runs circles around Pulitzer Prize winners and the beloved J.R.R. Tolkein. And surprisingly enough, even when the pages turn to what I think is the "happily ever after" of my journey, that it is really not the end at all. On the contrary, it's just the beginning of a new chapter, the continuation of the greatest story ever told, one that is beyond our comprehension. And while it may be filled with "happily ever afters," it would be inappropriate to refer to them as "happy endings" in a land where there is no end.

"No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever." (Rev. 22:3-4)

"I Think I Can't???"

I came across this company, Despair.com, a few years ago and just think they are so hilarious (in that sick and twisted, but really, really funny sort of way.) They just sent their catalogue w/ some new updates. Classic.

Thisthers . . .

Remember that scene from White Christmas, where the Haynes sisters come out in those goofy, poofy costumes and they started singing that unforgettable song, "Sisters?" My mom offered my sister Ashley and I $50 to sing that song for a talent show in elementary school. I refused. I was in 7th grade. I had a reputation to protect. What's more, at that point in my life, I looked at Samantha, my youngest sister who was about 6 at that time, as a baby doll, and I was just starting to see Ashley, two years younger than me, as something more than a person to be the groom when I wanted to play wedding. I couldn't quite appreciate the words of the song, "Two different faces, but in tight places, we think and we act as one." (eh heh . . .) :-)

In the years following, I think my sisters and I have grown from playmates and people who share the same bloodline, to genuine best friends. This weekend Ashley is coming home for a few days vacation from her home in D.C. (with my new brother (& her husband), Nate) and we intend to go up and visit Samantha (at Grove City College) for at least one afternoon of quality shopping and eating. I thought it would be an appropriate time to share just a little bit of what I love about each one.

The picture that you see is of the lovely Ashley Edwards Maines on her wedding day (with her new monkey friend) and her infamous AUBURN hair. Yep, I learned at a really young age that Ashley had red hair that "you can't get in a bottle" and I didn't. Complete strangers would come up to her and comment how beautiful her hair was. Once I got past the intense jealousy over the fact that she was stealing all my attention, I was able to see that she was a pretty cool girl. Ashley has a brilliant mind (she has a Master's in Statistics) and yet breaks every mold that you can possibly imagine of what a statistician would be (no offense to statisticians intended). She's zany, silly, and extremely funny and fun to be around. She and her husband are such a great complement to each other as they both love Jesus and love working together to serve Him.

Samantha (the beauty on the left at a dance at her school last year) is one of the funniest people I've ever met with one of the most beautiful voices that I've ever heard (she just got a leading roll in a theatre production at college and sang for a National Prayer Breakfast in Rwanda last summer). She is a woman of character like few I've ever known as she exemplifies perseverance and hard work in a way to which I can only aspire.

Yep, "Sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters . . ." I love you both dearly and am so thankful to God for the gift of each of you.

Snow Day!

Today was a blissful flashback to third grade.

The local news started broadcasting the impending snow storm on Sunday morning. And yesterday as a result of all the dangerous predictions, we cancelled all of our formal meetings at work today. My planned 14 hour day of nine meetings was transformed into a productive, work-from-home day in my sweatshirt and sweatpants. I'm one of those strange people who really enjoy the winter season for the most part and today was another delightful reason why I should feel that way.

Snow day in 18th grade. :-)

It's funny because this snowstorm in many ways has created a lot of obstacles, stress, and anxiety for many people. They started being affected by it days before it even came, imagining all the potential problems that could arise. What I initially viewed as a potential detriment, however, turned out to be a great gift of rest and refreshment. It was a simple little reminder that God gave me, recalling other more magnanimous moments when I thought that I would be facing a major problem or painful circumstance (going to a new school, facing medical uncertainties, finding a job) and God used the time to draw me close to Him and bring great joy and gifts from the season that I could have never imagined. Maintaining my snow day mentality in the midst of life's blizzards will be key to seeing God's unique handiwork in each and every flake that falls.

Yay for snow days!

The Land of Oaks

In 1840, William Eichenbaum owned a large farm in a suburb of downtown Pittsburg (they spelled it w/out an "h" then), that was blessed with a plentiful abundance of oak trees. Unfortunately, with the growth of the ore industry, the resulting ore dust killed much of the vegetation of the land, including many of the beautiful trees. Although the majestic trees may have lost their prominence in the land, the area still retained its name . . . Oakland.

The part of our city today is viewed by many to be a scientific, cultural, and academic hub housing many of our universities, hospitals, and museums. And, in just a few weeks, it will also be the center of North Way's first campus, North Way Oakland. This will be the first step in a multi-site adventure for my church, and it's clearly one that I know God has ordained and orchestrated to come to pass. (If you're confused about the philosophy behind a "multi-site" church, here's a great explanation. Thanks, Pastor Jeff!)

I've spent a lot of time this past week researching nursery furniture, toys, and classroom dividers to make the KiDZ area something truly special. I stopped by the building yesterday to see how the renovations are coming (it was formally a Chinese restaurant on McKee St., right off of Forbes and Fifth) and I have to confess that I walked in and was struck with all the differences of our new area from our current campus in Wexford. I started thinking about all the obstacles that will be in place to making the area look as good as I have it looking in my head. I left thinking, "I don't know how we're going to do this."

This morning, I was really convicted of my attitude. I realize that my thinking was completely wrong. I have been planning on how to do KiDZ Ministry like I've always known, understood, and executed in Wexford, PA. "It's worked well in Wexford. Why not just do the same thing in Oakland?" But Oakland is not the same. Oakland is a completely different area, with a different demographic and history that houses a new set of people inside of whom God wants to birth something new. While the heart of our KiDZ ministry should stay the same, other parts of it have to change to meet the needs of the Oakland community.

Pittsburgh is a city of bridges. The Carnegie Library states that there are over 2100 bridges in Allegheny County alone, one of the highest of any city in the world. In a "3 River" city with so many waterways around, clearly bridges needed to be constructed to bring groups of people together. One that I find to be particularly interesting is St. Pierre's Ravine, a bridge that is no longer a bridge, but it is. (It confused me, too.) Originally built in the heart of Oakland in 1898, it served to bring neighborhoods together across a deep ravine. It's still there. You just can't see it anymore because it was buried in the early part of the 20th century.

St. Pierre's Ravine is an ironic picture of unfortunately all too many bridges in Pittsburgh. What was once intended to bring people together now serves as markers of division. Those who live north of the city's bridges rarely cross over to go to the obscure land of the South Hills and vice versa. (Said like a true North Hills girl.) :-) That is one of the major motivations of our venture into Oakland. If people won't come north, we've got to go to them. We want to "free people to follow Jesus" throughout the city of Pittsburgh, not just the North Hills.

I pray that the launch of North Way Oakland is a catalyst to start unearthing the buried bridges of Pittsburgh, utilizing them again for their original purpose . . . to bring people together in the greater neighborhood of God's Kingdom. May the ashes of the ore dust that choked the life out of the trees be replaced with a crown of beauty, as the land once again is filled with "OAKS of Righteousness, a planting for the LORD for the display of His splendor" (Is. 61:3).

March 18, 2007. North Way Oakland.

10001

Well, the big day was yesterday and I have to say that being 9,999 and the lovely palindrome age of 10,001 is almost as much fun as 10,000. What a fun day it was.

I first have to say that I'm terribly sorry for everyone else because I'm fully convinced that I have the best family in the world. :-)

You can see in the picture how they totally supported my eccentric celebrations with a 10,000 shirt ("X" w/ a bar over it is 10,000 in Roman numerals), a print out of Pi to the 10,000th place, $10,000 in Rwandan Francs, a picture of 10,000 galaxies from the Hubble telescope, and 10,000 kernels of unpopped and popped corn (Maggie and my coworkers helped me eat it).

I have to say that I was recognizing today that I think one of the greatest gifts that my parents gave to my sisters and I was a home environment that supported and fostered creativity. I think that a lot of my creative thinking today is due to the fact that I was able to grow up in a home that allowed room to try and fail and try again. I am so thankful for that opportunity.

Later that night my small group and I went out for Mexican food to celebrate at a great new restaurant called Azul.

In case you're curious, here are two websites including the 10,000 day official website (also known as TK Day) and the definition of TK Day in the urban dictionary.

Time is Money???

I clearly remember this one particular summer morning when I was about 9 years old. I was playing a game with my sister while we were watching the Price is Right and I looked at the VCR quickly to see what time it was. When I looked, I watched the clock change to the next minute and for the first time, the thought occurred to me, "It will never be 11:38 AM on this date ever again." I was shocked at the revelation and a little sad that I could never have it back . . . and then I saw that they were playing Plinko next and I was over my profundity.

This morning, I was recognizing the fact that I have a problem with time management. The severity may ebb and flow with seasons, but I don't seem to be able to rest well or work well because I'm always feeling like there's more to do, there's time passing, and I'm drowning in the midst of it all. I felt like I got an idea about a way to help me with this, however, and it's either a God ordained moment of brilliance or a lapse of stupidity brought on by the lack of sleep. I'm not sure which one yet.

I was recognizing that if time were measured in an actual, material currency, I would probably find myself at the end of each day with a trashcan full of crumpled up bills of time currency, wasted in small 5, 15, or 30 minute increments throughout the day without ever realizing it. Too often, I allow myself to adopt a reactive mentality to my schedule, spending an incredible amount of time on e-mails, phone calls, random conversations, and other things that I never planned on doing at the start of a day. The proverbial "tyranny of the urgent" overwhelms the completion of the more important items of my day, and if I do ever take a few minutes to think about the gift of every minute in a day, like I briefly did on that morning so long ago, I see that I'm not using that gift in a way that best glorifies God.

Whereas I try to be very conscientious and responsible in stewarding my money with wisdom, I realized that when it comes to spending time, I'm not nearly as careful in my transactions. (Now here's where it gets a little crazy.) In the same way that I had to spend some time sitting down, figuring out a monetary budget, and then training myself to spend my money wisely, what if I were able to create a time budget, complete with a physical time currency that I held each day to remind me of the finite amount of time that I have to spend each day, and how important it is to spend it wisely? I want to call my currency "chronos." 1 chronos=10 minutes. That way I have 144 chronos to spend on each day; none can be left over. None can be saved. It will also give me a really clear picture of what I really value as the more chronos I spend on something, the more I value it. By practicing the physical spending of chronos for a few weeks, perhaps I can teach myself enough discipline and time management skills to make a permanent change in my behavior. Thoughts? Suggestions on how you steward your time in a Godly fashion?

Silver and Sea Cows

As I mentioned a little bit ago, I've been reading through the book of Exodus, reviewing the ins and outs of the establishment of the Jewish religion. God goes into great detail, telling Moses exactly how the Tabernacle is to be built and how the priestly garments are to be made, and I must confess that I found the descriptions to be a bit tiresome. Somewhere in the middle of reading about breastplates of gold and sapphires and curtains made of the hides of sea cows, the thought occurred to me. "Where in the world did they get these?!? They're in the middle of the desert! Where does one find a sea cow in the desert?"

And I thought back to the earlier chapters in Exodus. God first mentions it in ch. 3. "And I will make the Egyptians favorably disposed toward this people, so that when you leave you will not go empty-handed. Every woman is to ask her neighbor and any woman living in her house for articles of silver and gold and for clothing, which you will put on your sons and daughters. And so you will plunder the Egyptians" (Ex. 3:21-22). When I initially read it, I thought, "Way to go, God! Make those Egyptians pay them back for all those years of slavery. Give those Israelites all the silver and gold that they want!" It wasn't until I was reading about the tabernacle that I saw the bigger picture in it all.

God miraculously freed the Israelites and He certainly wanted to bless them in every way possible. Giving them extravagant gifts was a part of that blessing. But God didn't want the Israelites to just hoard all their silver and gold for some unknown time or circumstance in the future when they might need it. He wanted them to use it, to give it back to Him to be a part of a much bigger plan that would allow them to commune with His presence in a way that they had never known. And He not only gave them the material goods to do this, but the actual talents to carry it out, too, through Bez and Oli (as we call them to the kids in our ministry).

It was an incredible picture to me of the true perspective of God's blessings, whether they be material, emotional, or physical talents. Too often I'll receive them and think, "God's giving this to me because I deserve it after all the struggle I went through." In all reality, He's giving it to me to provide me with the opportunity to be a part of a much bigger plan and purpose that He's always orchestrating. Andy Stanley refers to our tendency toward greed in his book that I've referenced several times, It Came From Within. He states, "When we don't have enough, we wonder why. Why not wonder when we have more than enough?" What a challenge to continually remind myself that I am not my own, therefore I must ask my owner what He would like done with whatever plunder He has blessed me with, and choose to gratefully turn over my "sea cows" to His purposes.

Casual Friendships

So one Sunday this past October, Leah Edwards enjoyed a dream come true. I was given two tickets to go to my very first Steeler game. They played the Broncos. They lost. It didn't matter. The day was a perfect day with my dad. While we were exploring Heinz Field, we found this "Designated Driver Booth" that gives you coupons for free medium Cokes if you agree not to drink at the game. We jumped on the deal, enjoyed the Cokes, and later that night, I went to this website to sign up for a special contest they were advertising where you could win an all-expense paid trip to the Super Bowl (if your favorite team was going).

I didn't think much of it until last week when I received an e-mail. It said, "Congratulations, Leah! You are the Steeler's representative for the Responsibility Has Its Rewards Sweepstakes. Even though the Steelers aren't going to the Super Bowl, one of the 30 people that are left can win an all-expense paid trip to the Pro Bowl the week after." (For those of you who are not aware, the Pro Bowl is played in Honolulu, Hawaii.) Yes, I heard my mother's voice in my head telling me this was a scam where they wanted my social security number and bank account, so I called the guy to verify. He said it was true. I said,

"SHUT UP!!!!" (I wrote it in caps for a reason. I think the guy's hearing is still recovering.)

I was so excited to have a 3.33% chance (plus Jesus) to win this trip. In order to qualify, however, I had to verify that I could go from February 8-11 (check!), that I wasn't an employee of the Steelers, NFL, Heinz Field, or Aramark Corp (check!) or a family member of someone who was (check!) OR a friend (ummmmm . . .).

Now let's define "friend." I have struck up an acquaintance, ok, let's say casual friendship with a Steeler player and his family who started going to my church over this last year. What to do?!? There was only one thing I could do. I explained my casual friendship and begged that it wouldn't count as a "friend." I was living in Hawaii Hiatus for several days until I heard back on Tuesday. Casual friendships count as friendships. I was disqualified. I'm a little ashamed to say that I cried. Just a little, but tears were shed.

I keep telling myself that casual friendships are way more important than watching the best football players in the nation in one of the most beautiful places in the nation throughout four all-expense-paid days. I couldn't convince myself of it, either. So I upgraded our relationship to a full-fledged good friend. I hope they don't mind. :-)

Aliens

I was reminded of a funny story from my student teaching days the other day. I was taking my class through their spelling words and we were discussing the word "alien." I asked if anyone could give me a definition of the word alien, other than a strange creature from outer space. One little girl raised her hand and said, "Isn't it that little kid from the news who came here on a raft and wants to stay in America?" (She was referring to Elian Gonzalez, the big news story at the time.) I chuckled seeing her simple mistake and acknowledged that he was an alien of sorts, but that's not why he was given that name.

The situation came to mind last night as I was reading through Exodus. Somewhere between cooking goats in milk and more information than I ever wanted to know about the innards of a ram, I noticed a very interesting command of God's. He actually says it twice in a matter of two chapters. "Do not mistreat an alien or oppress him, for you were aliens in Egypt" (Ex. 22:21). Again in the next chapter He says, "Do not oppress an alien; you yourselves know how it feels to be aliens, because you were aliens in Egypt" (Ex. 23:9).

I suppose it stuck out to me because I wondered why God had to say it, nevertheless say it twice, in the first place. It was not that long since they had left Egypt. Surely, they remembered what it was like to be mistreated and foreigners in a strange land and they would never want to do the same to someone else. Well, wouldn't they?

And then I thought about the typical human response to pain. Whenever we are in some sort of physical pain, it's all consuming. It is very difficult to think about anyone or anything else besides the pain and we can't imagine how we took a pain-free life for granted and vow that we'll never do it again. After the pain subsides, however, it's really easy to forget what that felt like. Maybe we remember that it hurt, but somehow the intensity of the pain gets lost in our memories, and we move on in our healthier existence.

While this may be a gift from our Designer in one sense (as I would imagine women would never have more than one baby if they truly remembered what that pain was like . . . so I'm told), in another sense it can cause us to forget what it felt like to be so helpless, so vulnerable, and in need. We get better and hear stories of others in pain and may sympathize with their situation, but we do not allow ourselves to embrace compassion and empathy and remember, truly remember what it was like to be in that position, a person in physical pain, emotional pain, mental distress, an alien in a foreign land of sorts.

I think that's why God had to remind the Israelites, and why He has to remind me not to mistreat aliens in our land. He knew our propensity to live in a self-centered existence, concerned about our plight when we're in it and quick to forget the feeling when we are freed. I pray that God would help me hear the stories of the hurting and aliens around me and truly hear and see them as He does. I pray that He would give me His heart and guide me with His Spirit to know how to best enter in and use my past pain to soothe the pain of those that He brings to me, "to remember what it was like to be an alien" and bring the freedom that He brought to me to those who also need it.

T-12 Days and Counting . . .

A few months ago, my entire perspective on birthdays was changed when I realized that sometime not long after one's 27th birthday, a very special celebration occurs . . . the 10,000th birthday. That's right. 10,000 days of life. And today, my little Microsoft Paper clip reminded me that mine is coming very soon, on February 5th. I've already got my small group working on some ways that we can celebrate the day as one to remember, but I thought I'd open it up to the blogging world as well. Any ideas out there? And if you'd like to see an example of just how memorable this day can be, check out my initial inspiration. (Thanks, Brad!) If you'd like to calculate your own age in days, use this date calculator.

Leewards, Circa 1993

I was going through a desk drawer today that I haven't cleaned out in at least the last 10 years. I found a wealth of old artifacts, letters, and school assignments, most notably my journal from my 9th grade Honors English class. I had to laugh out loud as I read some of my entries, and realized that this was my first blog (before blogs even existed) in terms of having a public journal for others to read. I thought I'd include verbatim one of my clearly profound entries that I made on September 22, 1993. It is entitled "Personal Chicken."

If I were issued my own chicken I would want to train it to be a wonder chicken. I would name it MacGyver because the TV character MacGyver is an extraordinary man and MacGyver the chicken would be one heck of a chicken. It would take some time and a lot of patience, but eventually MacGyver would be the smartest chicken in the world. I would teach him how to add and subtract corn kernels and when he got the trick I would give him a reward, of course. I would train him to be able to do extraordinary stunts and tricks. Through all the training I would love my chicken and give him the best of care. He would get 50% of all the profits we made and would hopefully be very happy. However, if things don't work out and MacGyver turns out to be stupid, I can always count on him to be a good friend.

If you thought that was entertaining, you should see my entry entitled, "National Aardvark Week, March 7-13."

No Treo!

February 10, 2005. After extensive research, interviews, and yes, even prayer, I made a decision that I considered to be fairly significant. I went to my Verizon store and purchased a Treo 700w, making the big jump to a smart phone. I felt pretty confident about my decision and was excited to use and understand my new major purchase. It was only a matter of days, however, that I began to question my decision. Too many days for me to return the phone without penalty, but not enough days to justify its poor behavior.

I won't go into all the problems that I experienced, but let's just say that I was on a first name basis with several members of the Verizon customer service team after regular phone calls to them lasting anywhere from 20-120 minutes each (which, despite all my frustrations, I have nothing but the highest praises to give them). I met Nic, a helpful and efficient customer service rep training for the national tae kwan do team and the next day I tried to encourage Sarah, another rep in his office, to go meet Nic because he was really nice. (She tried to tell me that I didn't talk to Nic, but spoke with Mario, and I explained to her that although that was his official name, he likes to go by Nic. It's amazing what you can discuss with a complete stranger across the country in a 2 hour conversation.)

Even after receiving a new replacement phone, I have still been extremely unhappy with the performance of my little Treo. I tried to see what my options were yesterday and was told that I can wait until December 10, 2007 to get a new phone or pay $430 for a new one in the meantime. I left the store sad and frustrated, and yes, confused.

I prayed as I left, asking God why I was in this kind of position if this phone purchase was something I prayed about in the first place. Did I hear wrong? Was it silly to pray about a phone decision? Am I over-spiritualizing things? I even talked about it with my mom, and she encouraged me to press in a little more about it.

It seemed like God challenged my thinking to get beyond my perspective in the situation. I thought this was a bad decision, a mistake, a regret. Maybe, His most important priority when He was directing my steps was not my satisfaction with my phone purchase. Maybe He wanted me to cross paths with Nic or Sarah or any of the other customer service reps I met, and He knew that the best way to do that was to buy a phone that I like to refer to as the bane of my communication existence.

And maybe I am just overspiritualizing things and trying to console myself in my poor decision. But at the very least, I will thank God for the opportunity to meet Nic, Sarah, and the rest of the crew and pray that He would continue to work in their lives and help me survive the next 10 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days until December 10 is here at last. :-)

Dancing Popcorn and Cokes

Yep, it's been a long time since I last wrote. I just tried to get through all my regular blog reads and I was doing pretty well until I got to Batterson's blog, and then I just couldn't catch up. This past week has just been one of those weeks when the worlds of school, work, and everything else came crashing together in one crazy altercation that clearly pushed the blogging world and the exercise world out of orbit. I hope to get them back in the regular rotation soon, as I know they serve to add a lot of balance and health to my world.

Speaking of balance, I'm going to try and go get some sleep in the balance. I just thought I'd do a quick sign in and let the blogging world know I'm still here and I'll post more soon. In the meantime, I'd just like to say that although I can't prove it yet, I'm pretty sure that the designers of Spider Solitaire somehow worked subliminal, addictive messages into their game that draws people in to play "just one more game" when they really shouldn't. Kind of like those pictures of dancing popcorn, hot dogs, and cokes in the middle of movie previews that made people storm the concession stands. Sneaky Spider Solitaire people.

Changing of the Guard

I enjoyed a mini-revelation the other day as I was reading through a new book, It Came from Within, and praying afterwards. I love those "Aha!" moments from God. Makes me feel silly that I didn't realize it sooner, but glad that He's patient to teach me just the same.

For many years now, I have always felt challenged by the proverb found in Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." I took the words very seriously, and for whatever reason immediately equated the scripture in the context of relationships. I saw it as a charge to stay emotionally, as well as physically pure when dealing with relationships with the opposite sex, and to not pursue those arenas until God so directed and clearly revealed that this was THE relationship that He had planned for me.

The reason that I've always felt so challenged by this is that I've had a tendency to stay at one of two extremes in this process, finding it very difficult to find a happy medium. I'm get so determined to guard and protect my heart that I end up building walls and barriers that don't allow anyone through, thereby shutting down opportunities and potential for meaningful relationships in any arena. To compensate, therefore, I easily go to the other extreme of wearing my heart on my sleeve and sharing my dreams or hopes or passions or visions with anyone, also not appropriate to what God intended.

I feel like He revealed to me two things:

1. It's not up to me. - I've read Phil. 4: 6-7 many times, but for some reason, never noticed the end of the verse so much. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus." Isn't that cool?!? As I give these matters over to Him, He will take care of it for me!
2. The True Enemy - I had always thought it was important to guard my heart to protect it from hurt and regret. That's why I worked so hard to put up certain walls. In reading Stanley's aforementioned book, however, I realized that the thing I needed to guard against wasn't necessarily getting hurt in relationships, but "heart monsters" like guilt, anger, greed, and jealousy. These are internal enemies and no matter how many walls I may build around me, I will still struggle if I don't ask God to help me deal with these, because I'm still inside the wall. I am the problem! I saw that guarding my heart didn't necessarily mean protecting it from getting hurt as much as it meant guarding and tending to it like a garden, pulling up roots of these "monsters" that will kill it and keeping the soil soft for our Heavenly Father to plant what He wishes.

Obviously, wisdom still plays a big role in appropriate emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries in relationships, but I feel much more at peace letting God do His part, and working with Him to do mine.

12 Angry Men (and 1 Happy Girl)

Yesterday was one of the best days that I've had in a long time. Truly. One that I genuinely and thoroughly enjoyed. I was so sad to see it end.

I had jury duty.

I realize that sometimes I can be prone to hyperbole and sarcasm, but honestly there is none here. This really was such a fun day for me. A few reasons why:

• A mini-adventure - I realize more and more how important a break from routine is in my life. I think this is why I like traveling so much, too. When we go through our typical routine in life, we are basically in contact with the same 25-75 people each week. When I do that day in and day out, I think I subconsciously define the world as those 50 people, and view my problems, situations, and dreams in relation to how they compare with similar problems and situations of those 50 people. When I break out of my routine, I'm reminded of how big and diverse this world is and consequently, how amazing our God is for creating it all. It puts things in a healthy perspective.
• New learning - I love learning new things and yesterday was a day full of new experiences. I'm pretty sure that those lawyers thought I was a nutcase when I was sitting in the front row waiting to be questioned with a big smile on my face because I was so excited to be there. I learned so much about our judicial system, which is truly amazing when you think about the fact that our founding fathers decided to create a system where people are judged by a jury of their peers, regardless of education, background, race, prosperity, or age. What an incredible responsibility and opportunity we have as American citizens.
• People - I met several new friends throughout the day and was reminded of how much attitude can affect a sitution. 80% of the people acted like they were the ones on trial while others were able to accept the situation and make the best of it. Definitely an important lesson to remember in the future. I loved meeting new people.
• Reading/Writing - I forced myself not to take my computer or work down with me after writing my "stoplight" post a few days ago. I just took my Bible, my journal and a book. How much fun was that?!? I finished the book which was very good and very challenging (It Came From Within, by Andy Stanley) and left feeling so refreshed and energized. The thought occurred to me, "Hey Leah, maybe you don't have to be locked into a room for 9 hours by way of a summons to enjoy time like this? Maybe you can start creating margin for that in your every day life?" Novel idea, isn't it.

I didn't get chosen for any trial, so they say that I can get called again after 1 year from my previous service. Here's hoping! :-)

Mountains and Valleys

Working with students and kids gives you some of the best and hardest moments that you could imagine. These past two weeks have been some of the hardest. The day before Christmas Eve, I got word that one of my favorite middle school kids (who is now 16) was diagnosed with leukemia. The day after Christmas, I heard that two girls (age 10 & 12) who are serving as missionaries in Senegal with their parents, had been hospitalized with a particularly serious form of malaria that resulted in them being life-flighted to Paris and one girl going into a coma. Tonight I just got home from a memorial service for another loved middle school boy (who was now 18) who passed away on New Year's Eve from a drug overdose. I would be lying if I didn't say that there has been more than one time when I've had to ask God, "What is going on here?!?"

I know that He is deeply involved and cares about each of these situations. I praise Him that the boy w/ leukemia seems to be responding from initial treatments, and one of the girls has been released from the hospital and the other is coming out of her coma. And there were well over 500 people who came to the memorial service and heard a message about God's saving grace. Clearly, He is working to redeem and restore that which the enemy clearly meant for evil. But the pain is still there. The hurt is still there. The tragedies are still very real.

Maybe that's why the older I get, the more significant John 11:35 becomes to me. "Jesus wept." I learned it at a young age, being the shortest verse in the Bible, but the profundity in the statement resonates with me anew. His friend Lazarus had died. He knew he was going to die. He knew he was going to raise him to life again. And although there may be much scholarly speculation about why He cried, He cried. Not only cried, but wept. Jesus wept. The raw emotion that He so unabashedly exhibited speaks a world of comfort and compassion to me in these kinds of moments that surpasses any words. I, too, will weep with these families and friends, and I'm sure it won't be the last time. And in the midst of that suffering, my Savior is right there beside me, weeping with me, and speaking forth life into the darkest of situations.

Red Light, Green Light

I read a really interesting post yesterday that challenged my thinking about the Sabbath in a new way.

Mark Batterson's post "E-Mail Resolution" pointed out that taking a Sabbath is in all reality a trust issue, just like a tithe. (You'll have to scroll down a bit to find the post even though it was just posted yesterday. The man is a blogging fiend! What a role model.) For whatever reason, God has extended me a lot of grace that most of the time, it has not been hard for me to give to Him in monetary ways. I trust that He will provide for all my needs and time and again He even blesses me way beyond my needs.

Trusting Him with my time and a sabbath . . . tithing to Him a day of my schedule . . . that's definitely a harder sacrifice for me to lay down. Every ounce of my being wants to keep working to get ahead, and yet, He commands me to rest, to take a Sabbath. I know that I talked about this once before, (see "Super Leah"), but obviously I still have a lot to learn as I still really struggle with it.

So, as I was thinking about this again today, God brought a picture to mind that helped me think of the concept in an even simpler way. I thought of one of the classic playground games of old, Red Light/Green Light. Remember where one person is the "stoplight" and they shout out, "Green light!" when their back is turned and all the other players try and run to them. The "stoplight" turns around at some point, however, and yells, "Red light!" and if anyone keeps moving, they have to go back to the beginning. In order to win and move forward, you have to stop along the way. I guess God knows how to explain the concept to a person who works with children for a living, huh? :-) I want 2007 to be a year when I learn how to play the game better. I hate going back to the beginning.

Things that Make You Go, Hmmmmmm . . .

I've always had a tendency to be somewhat inquisitive. In 7th grade, my teacher actually had to limit my questions to 3 per day because she couldn't handle all the questions. I realized quickly that a lot of my questions were only answerable by God, so I began to write them down so that I could ask Him some day when I was in Heaven. I was so determined about this, that I actually created a plan and asked God to follow it in case of the rapture. I asked Him to take my letter of questions, all my stuffed animals, and my blankies with me when He took me to Heaven so that we could sit in my Care Bear bedroom that He was creating for me and discuss the answers to these deeper things of life. I later decided that my arms would probably be too full to carry all my stuffed animals so we were just going to compromise at my blankies and the letter and I added new stuffed animals to my list for my Heavenly mansion bedroom. Hey, I was 6.

I have to say that although I've matured a bit over the past twenty years, my inquisitiveness really has not changed much (and I'm still negotiating with God about my blankies). As I've been reading through Genesis once again, I've generated more questions that I thought I would post here, not so much as to receive answers, but more to have a backup copy to take to Heaven in case my hard copy is lost. :-) Plus, if any of you have any further insights or ponderings, I'd love to hear about them. Here are a few . . .

• (This one was courtesy of my dad.) God created light on Day 1 and the plants and vegetation on Day 3. Evening and morning was clearly occurring, but the sun and moon and stars were not created until Day 4. Recalling what I've learned in biology in regard to photosynthesis and botany, how did plant life work before the sun was created? How did evening and morning work w/out a sun?
• God commanded man in Gen. 1:28 to, "Be fruitful and multiply." This was pre-original sin. If man had not sinned and death had not resulted, how would we have sustained the space and resources for multiplication on the Earth? Would we have been like Enoch and Elijah perhaps?
• I calculated some of the math that is presented in Gen. 5. If I did my math correctly, I saw that Adam was still living all the way up until Noah's father was living. How do you think people viewed him? With love? With anger? Do you think they talked to him and asked him, "What was it like to actually walk with God?" or "What were you thinking?" Do you think Adam ever wanted to tell them a different story so as to put himself in a better light? Would anyone have known the difference? :-)
• Again, assuming my math is correct, it seems like Methusalah (the famed oldest man) died the same year as the flood. I wonder if he died in the flood? I wonder what Noah's dad and grandfather thought about his whole ark experience?
• The average age of these first 9 generations (excluding Enoch who had some extraordinary circumstances) was about 722 years old. Did that mean that all life's phases became proportionate as well? For example, instead of a teenager being recognized as 13, are they recognized to be a teen at 130 (figuring that a life span today is around 70 years)? Did bodies develop at a different rate? Assuming that the sons listed for each is their first son, why did so many of them wait so long before having kids? This is considerably different after the flood. (Gen. 11)

I'm going to stop now. My head hurts and yours probably does too. Maybe we can make it a big Q & A party in Heaven together someday. I'll even let you hold one of my new stuffed animals. :-)

2007!

So, I just finished catching up on several different blogs that I like to read on a fairly regular basis. Most everyone has created very inspiring and encouraging posts on all they are planning to do and expecting God to do over this next year. It was great reading them, but I must confess that after reading the goals and resolutions of others, I was feeling a little inferior.

Many of my fellow bloggers talked about reading more books, writing new books, praying more, exercising more, learning more, being more disciplined about work, family, and personal holiness, and at the end of it all I looked at my journal and thought, "Is that it?!?"

See, I've been spending a significant amount of time over these last few days in a lot of prayer, reading, journaling, and seeking after God about His plans for 2007. What great new things does He want to do in me and through me and what are all the different ways I need to grow spiritually, professionally, academically, physically, and personally? I was really expecting something big, great, a huge challenge and profound revelation of His plans for this next year. And quite honestly, after about a week of this, I'm left with an impression of one word. Imagine.

If you said, "Huh?" your reaction was very similar to mine. "Maybe you misunderstood me, God. I want clear, definable goals, plans, verses, resolutions, visions for this new year, dreams that are planted by You that I can continually go back to, and see. You've given me one word. What do you want me to do with that?!?"

And that's just it. He told me. Imagine. While I definitely see the value and merit to setting personal goals (and I have set some for this next year), my goals are defined and limited by me. Either I create ones that are so extreme and magnanimous that I end up falling short after 2 weeks of pursuing them, or I create ones that are ridiculously easy that I know that I can achieve.

Besides goals, the new year is also when I reflect and remember various dreams that God has placed on my heart, some that have been there for months and years on end. I confess that remembering the dreams can be somewhat of a bittersweet experience, as I deal with the disappointment of another year passing with them unfulfilled. There's a hesitation to dream that this new year may be the fulfillment, as I know the pain of hopes deferred. Maybe it's just better to lay aside the hope and expect nothing.

But God has clearly spoken to me the Truth of my circumstances and this new year. Imagine. He directed me to Eph. 3:20, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us . . ." The answer is not to give up, not to allow discouragement to have its way. Forget "Expect nothing and never be disappointed." I must imagine. What's more, I need to allow Him to imagine for me, and create dreams, goals, visions that are MORE than I could imagine. And for this girl who has been blessed with an extremely active imagination, that's something that gets me excited.

Imagine. May you, too, experience a year that exceeds the limits of your imagination and that is defined by the ONE who's thoughts are limitless.

Venting

It's the new year and a great time to reflect, vision, look ahead, and blog about all those profound revelations that occur as a result. I'm sure I will try to do that at some point soon, but before I venture forth in such a post, I feel I must get some less profound, yet still important thoughts out on the table. Ok, so maybe important is a bit of an overstatement.

In honor of Bowl Week and the end of the NFL regular season, I thought it would be good to offer a few observations. It'll make me feel better, anyway.

The NFL . . . I'm not even going to get into the lopsided match up of the AFC vs. the NFC. It's not even worth arguing. And I'm trying not to think about the fact that if the Steelers had won just one more game, we would be the rightful wild card once again. (It is very noble of them, however to step back and let some other teams get a chance to try to play football.)

I would like to give some major props to the teams that played with heart yesterday even when the playoffs weren't on the line for them any more. Yay to the Lions, 49ers, Steelers (of course), and the legendary Brett Favre and Green Bay. How much do you love that guy?!?

And finally, I would like to step out and make an admittedly wild prediction for the Super Bowl this year: San Diego Chargers vs. NY Giants. Yep, I know it's crazy, but I've liked the Giants since preseason. If not the Giants, I'm going w/ Chicago. Chargers are going to win.

And for those of you who like football because of the football parties that result, I wanted to include a link to a great recipe perfect for football parties throughout this next week and month. Taco Cornbread Pizza. It's really easy, very tasty, and able to be eaten w/ just your hands while you watch the games. I highly recommend it.

Thanks for letting me vent. Now to some of those 2007 goals, plans, life vision and mission . . .