Heroine Hannah

I had a great day yesterday, meeting Mark Batterson and hearing about the journey that God's been leading him on in his church and getting inspired to chase some lions on my own. If you haven't read the book yet, I highly recommend it. Pastor Jeff Leake took some really great notes on the morning and evening session. If you'd like to read it, check out his blog.

At the beginning of his talk, Mark asked if anyone had Bible heroes, people they looked up to in the Bible, identifying with their story and growing from it. Abraham was probably the first person that came to my mind, but a close second would have to be Hannah.

I was reading I Sam. 1-3 earlier this week and I was struck again with the story behind her story.

Hannah had this gut-level desire, this passion on her heart that was at the very core of her being. She wanted a child. A desire that was a good desire, a normal desire, a desire that God placed there. So if He did that, why would He "close her womb?" (I Sam. 1:5)

I really think it had a lot to do with the journey that Hannah had to walk through that's recorded in these first few chapters. After so many years of wrestling with this desire, she prays this prayer. "God, if you give me a son, then 'I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life.'" Pretty crazy prayer. Honestly, it never made sense to me. You spend all this time praying for a son, and then if you finally get him, you take him to the temple at a very young age to live for the rest of his life?!? Doesn't seem like a great solution to me. Why would Hannah do that?

I think through her journey, God brought Hannah to the point of brokenness, that place where you have to be brutally honest about how you feel, what you think, who you are. That place where you aren't afraid to tell God exactly what you think about where you are (and maybe even the apparent lack of concern or presence on His part). I don't think that's something done lightly, but I do think it's something that needs to be done. If we don't, we're really just living in a state of denial, carrying around this burden of doubt and fear and despair. Once it's honestly acknowledged, we can be free of this baggage. We can lay it all out there and then let God take it away and move on.

So when Hannah did that at the Temple that day, she realized that her desire for a child was so much more than a child. Sure, it's a natural maternal thing to desire a child not to mention that not having a child at that time in her culture made her a freakish pariah with a stigma of sin on her (as well as a very unpleasant living situation). I really think that once she got past the point of brokenness, however, she realized that this desire for a child was far more than a temporal solution to these problems. Only God could heal those holes in her heart. She desired a child as a way that she could bless God and glorify Him. Her prayer changed from asking God for a solution for her problems to asking for an opportunity to be part of the solution for God's problems.

So when He granted her a son, and she gave him back to God, she was truly delighted because that child was the living picture of all she had dreamed. She could give him back to God because that's what she truly desired to do. And isn't it cool how God continued to bless her beyond what she could have imagined, taking care of all those other "problems" with another 5 kids after Samuel?!?

So many of the desires that we have, those for a significant job, relationship, family . . . they're all great things, natural desires that I really think that God places on our hearts. Too many times, however, I get more caught up in a desire and what its fulfillment could do for me rather than asking God what He wants to do through me. I pray He really would give me the desires of His heart and fulfill them in a way that glorifies and magnifies Him.

Catch Up

Well the paper is turned in and I'm back to the blogosphere. Few random thoughts that are running through my head:

• I'm really excited about the opportunity for Mark Batterson to come to Pittsburgh tomorrow. After reading his books and blog over these past few months, God's really used his ministry to bless and challenge me in a lot of ways. I'm excited for God to continue to do great things to those who are able to share in the time tomorrow. If you're interested in coming, Mark will be at North Way at 7 PM tomorrow (Weds.).
• I actually really enjoyed writing my research paper and I feel a lot more knowledgeable about this whole blogging thing. The class I'm taking is called "Church and the Media" and the paper I wrote was on blogging and the church. Here's the premise I used: the same communication strategies used in blogging as well as many of the same inherent qualities used in blogging are very similar to the same strategies and medium that Paul chose when he wrote letters to various churches, many of which are our New Testament today. In essence, Philippians was a low-tech blog. Kind of crazy thought, huh? Clearly blogs of pastors today can't be viewed on the same level as the New Testament epistles, but I really think they have the potential to have influence and impact that is exponential! Made me excited to get back to blogging and join all the rest of you influencers in our blogosphere. :-)

Wedding Bells!

I know I'm supposed to be writing a research paper, but I just had to take a break to blog my excitement over my cousin's recent engagement! My cousin Dana called this morning and shared her story of how she got engaged yesterday . . . in the White House Library . . . with the candlestick. (Sorry. Couldn't resist the Clue reference.)

Anyway, Dana is a White House staffer and met her fiance, Tom, at the event that she coordinated at the White House for Greek Independence Day last year. He used the same occasion this year to propose and then surprised her w/ all their family pouring out of the adjacent bathroom after she said, "Yes!" (Then she had to go finish working for the event. What a girl . . .) Actually, in order to carry out the proposal in this way, they had to get permission from Dana's boss (which would be the President) and Tom's boss (which would be Nancy Pelosi). The First Lady blessed the occasion by picking the most beautiful room and the flowers. Real typical, huh? :-)

You can see the picture of their engagement taken by a White House photographer who was hiding in the room, and the event was also sent out as a press release yesterday to the news bureaus (they're in today's Style section of the Washington Post). Congrats Dana and Tom! :-)

Still Mad?

So, this is for all of you who have been sufferring from "madness" each time you looked for an update and just kept seeing "Madness" for the last week (a.k.a. Jen). :-) I apologize for the lack of posts and for the fact that this will be weak as well. I've got a lot of homework right now and I'll be back just as soon as my paper is turned in on Tuesday (or until I'm looking for another way to procrastinate in the meantime). :-) Thanks for your patience.

Madness

So if we can't have football, I'm going to have to say that March Madness comes in a very close second. I first became engrossed in the Madness culture in 7th grade. My teacher had us fill out brackets and offered extra credit for the top 3 winners in the class. Always up for competition and extra credit, I started writing down names of schools using the incredibly scientific process of choosing teams that had a pretty sounding name and asking my teacher who was any good. She said that Duke was her favorite team, so I put them down and picked them to go all the way. That was the year of Christian Laetner's infamous last second shot against Kentucky. I came in second and have been a Duke fan ever since.
With Coach K out of it, I can now focus on cheering for my bracket. Last year I had the blessing of falling deathly ill on the Tuesday before Madness (104 fever for 4 days). While I normally wouldn't be so excited about infirmity, it provided a great opportunity for my sister Ashley and I to bond while watching an inordinate amount of basketball. This year, Ashley lives in D.C. and I'm unfortunately pretty healthy. Not nearly as much fun. :-)

Happy Pi Day

Yep. It's March 14. That's 3.14 and as all good math students know that would be "Pi Day." (It's nice that I've finally embraced my nerdom in later years . . . very freeing.) My brother-in-law and sister sent me an e-mail earlier this week that resonated with my ongoing reoccurring dream... nightmare... that I've had probably since Kindergarten (I arrive to class and they're passing out a test that I didn't even know was being given and I haven't studied . . . Normal, huh?).

The subject line was "We've all been frustrated in exams," and then there was simply attachments of pictures from exams of students who may not have been having their greatest math moments, but their creativity, well, I'll let you decide. I'll include some of my favorites. :-) Pay attention to the directions to each problem. Click on the image if you need it to be bigger.

Noggin

May 2006 ... I was sitting in my office on a particularly quiet Friday feeling very proud about all the work I was getting done. I was focused, on a roll, in the zone of productivity when my determination was interrupted by a gentle "tap, tap, tapping" on the window. I turned, saw nothing and went back to my zone, when I clearly heard the sound once again. Looking a little closer now, I saw the nemesis of my concentration: a vibrant, scarlet cardinal hopping on my window sill, tapping his equally bright yellow beak against the glass. I smiled at the little guy and turned back around, trying to get back to my happy work place that I was so blissfully enjoying.

My thoughts were quickly diverted when the "tap, tap, tapping" was replaced with a brash and violent bash and I caught out of the corner of my eye a red blur dropping to the ground. I ran to the window and saw the little bird shake himself off, fly back to the nearby tree, and, yes, fly at full velocity into the very same window. I'd like to say that I reacted with a sense of compassion and empathy for my directionally challenged new friend. I'd like to say that, but honestly my loud laughter was coupled with the thought of, "What a dumb bird!"

Fast forward six hours later. The novelty and humor of the situation has worn off due to the constant sound of the bludgeoning of a small cardinal head and my window. I'll give him credit. He tried new tactics, new flight patterns, new speeds, giving a whole new meaning to both the term "perseverance" and "insanity," never convinced that he was devoting his day to an impossible dream. I left work slightly annoyed and desirous to share my plight of being a reluctant ornithologist to my co-workers.

I didn't have to work long for their empathy. They were quickly pulled into the situation the next day when the bird returned, begging for more, once again clocking his 8 hr. day by trying to break through the window. When it continued throughout the next week we tried everything to redirect his efforts: window clings, talking to him, tapping back at him, yelling at him, threatening him. Nothing. So, we did the only thing that was left. We made him our unofficial mascot and named him Noggin.

Noggin continued to enjoy the office window for the remainder of the summer until sometime towards the end of October (save one week in July when I think he went on vacation). And with the advent of the snow and colder weather, Noggin ditched Wexford, PA. Last week, I found myself wondering about my little friend, hoping that he survived the cold temps and maybe was enjoying a lovely bay window along a Gulf Coast condo.

My Noggin musings were answered this morning when I was checking my e-mails before services and I heard the gentle "tap, tap, tapping" one more time. Yep, he was back. I squealed with glee and said, "Welcome Home!" to dear Noggin, as it seems like he only likes to work during Daylight Savings Time. It even seems that he's now brought a girlfriend with him, although my amateur Audubon skills tell me that she's a sparrow, not a cardinal. Poor guy must've banged his head on that window one too many times to know the difference. I'm not sure if he was trying to show off to her or if he was just revitalized from the rest, but my man was attacking the window with a new vengeance today.

Believe it or not, in the months of my "relationship" with Noggin, God has actually brought him to mind, showing me an all-too-often picture of my own behaviors and mindsets. Sometimes I'm working towards a goal or project or praying/begging God to answer a particular prayer request of mine, and I'm met with failure or closed doors or a flat out, "No." Instead of submitting to the guidance, I react with more determination thinking, "If I work harder or faster or more often perhaps then ..." or, "If I rephrase the question or try and manipulate the situation, then maybe ..."

Over and over my efforts are more determined while I bash my head again and again into the looking glass of my misperceived dreams. And my Father's reaction? Often simply standing there, lovingly tapping back at me saying, "No, Leah. Not this way. Turn around. There's a whole other world out there for you to explore if you just trust me and follow me here." Sometimes I suffer more of a migraine than others, depending on my obedience reaction time, but I continually discover, not so surprisingly, that He's right. I truly do, "see but a poor reflection as in a mirror" and until I can "see face to face," I need navigational guidance. Until I no longer "know in part" I need Someone who "knows fully, even as I am fully known." (I Cor. 13:12)

I'm so thankful for God's patience and grace with my "Nogginy" nature and can only pray that I can react the same way with my dear friend until October comes once again. :-)

Socks in the Dryer

You know it's never good when you're exhausted going into the start of Daylight Savings Time. How sad does it make you to have to watch that hour of sleep go away with every change of the clock. One question that really troubles me twice every year, though. Each year I vow to figure out the answer and each year my desire for sleep overcomes my curiosity.

What happens to television shows at that 2 AM hour? Particularly, what about the advertisers who have paid for television time at 2 AM? Do they repeat stuff in the fall? Do they scrap someone out in the spring? Maybe the shows and commercials get lost in the same dimension that one of each pair of socks goes when they are in the dryer.

Ahhh, the mysteries of life.

Rockin Rollercoaster

My family is pretty much a Disney World fanatic. Our last trip was about 7 years ago and that was our 4th time there. We love the place and are determined to suck up every drop of Disney while we are there. We stay on Disney property so that we can go into the park at 7 AM and leave at 1 AM . . . and we do this for 5 days. It's intense to be sure, and in order to make the most of our time, we must have a strategy of execution.

Last trip, my dad found this book, The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World, and he would read it right alongside his Bible each morning. We made a game plan, maps to follow, shortcuts through bathrooms, all designed to get us to Splash Mountain in a new record time before even the workers had a chance to get in line. We would literally run through the park past all the other ignorant saps who would wander about aimlessly spending their time in the Tiki Room when The Tower of Terror was calling their name.

The one part of the trip that will forever stick out in my mind, however, was our ride on the Rockin' Rollercoaster in MGM Studios. It wasn't supposed to open for another month and our guidebook did not even mention it, so it was with great uncertainty that we wandered over to the almost clandestine entrance to the "sneak preview" of the ride. We had no idea what to expect and when we saw a maintenance person walk past us with a toolbox in hand as we waited in line we wondered if this was really a good idea. We pressed on into the unknown, however, prepped in classic Disney fashion by Aerosmith who simply told us that we were getting into a "limo" in order to make it to their concert on time.

Nothing, I repeat, nothing could have ever prepared me for that ride. I had never experienced anything like it, nor do I think I ever have again. You enter the car and prepare to go through a tunnel, but before you can adjust your seat belt, you are shot through the tunnel like a bullet coming out of a gun. I'm quite sure we reached 974 MPH (or something pretty close to that) and maintained that velocity for the remainder of the ride. At the end I had drool coming down the side of my face because I hadn't swallowed or breathed in the previous 2 minutes. We got off and got right back in line and although it was still pretty incredible, it still couldn't compare with that first time.

I was reminiscing about the Rockin' Rollercoaster these past few days, recognizing that my walk with God so often feels like my favorite Disney ride. I will map out my plan, my strategy, my time lines, which is truly an important step to take. I think God can really guide our planning and use it to prepare us for what's in store.

Then, there's lots of time spent waiting in line, getting prepped for what's ahead, talking to the other soon-to-be passengers about what can be expected, and honestly many times, I feel like I'm waiting in line far longer than I'd like. When God moves, however, He moves, and usually much faster than I would have ever anticipated. I feel like I'm strapping into my seat and before I can say, "I'm ready, God" He's shot me off on an adventure that is moving at 974 MPH (or pretty close to it) that quite literally leaves me breathless. If I try and strain my neck to see what's coming next or move against the centrifugal forces against me, I quickly become tired and sore and even scared wondering if this is really a safe thing for me to be doing.

And then I remember it's not. It was never supposed to be. As Lucy found out about Aslan in C.S. Lewis' The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, he's not safe, but he's good. And the reason why the ride is so incredible is because it's unscripted, unplanned, and unknown. So, I put my head back, laugh, and enjoy the wild, rockin' ride that He's taking me on, knowing that it's good in the best sense of the word (and I might have to wipe off my drool again when it's over). :-)

Peter Pan Moment

I had such a weird moment the other day. I was listening to the news and they were talking about the enormous stock market crash that happened in an afternoon. "NASDAQ blah blah blah DOW Jones blah blah blah Chinese Market blah blah blah." I really didn't care about anything to do with this story nor did I find it to be at all interesting like those other "big people" stories.

Then they made the statement, "A lot of people lost a lot of money today," and this thought occurred to me. "Hey! I'm one of those people! I should listen and at least try and pay attention." I'm not sure when I officially became a grown up, but I always assumed that the transition would bring with it an increased appetite for these grown up things. What would Peter Pan have to say about that?

Worth a Thousand Words

I had a lovely dinner this weekend at a restaurant that I had never visited before. It had an interesting decor to it, trying to be family style and trendy all at the same time. One of the things that stuck out to me, however, was a wall that they had in the back of the restaurant that was completely covered with old photographs very similar to this one. There were probably 50 pictures of various sizes each featuring a different portrait of men and woman of differing ages and colors and shapes making quite a unique wall hanging to the already eccentric restaurant.

What first struck me as a novel choice of decor, however, immediately resonated with my spirit as something far more than simply a wall garnish. I realized that these were not just photographs, but that each one represented a real person, an actual one-of-a-kind human being that lived and worked and dreamed and eventually passed from this world. What was their story? What did they want to be when they grew up? Did they ever expect to be memorialized one day on the wall of a restaurant?

I was reminded once again about the profound nature of the God we serve. To Him, they were not just pictures, but each one was His masterpiece, His creation fashioned in His image to which He knows the intimate, detailed answers to each one of my questions. What's more, this same God knows me and loves me and thinks about me all the time (Ps. 139:18), bringing about an overwhelming sense of humble confidence. Humility because I know that I don't deserve it and I can't believe someone so indescribably wonderful would feel that way about me. And confidence because if He feels that way about me, then I should not allow my silly insecurities to drive my behavior because the God of the universe loves me!!!

I pray that God would give me His perspective on my story and how it is so closely connected to the portraits of countless others on the wall of history. May the legacy of my life bring glory to Him in a way that drives others to see the Bigness of our Father and inspire them with a sense of humble confidence whether they're learning about my story through a friendship, through this blog, or maybe even on the wall of a restaurant someday. :-)

Prayer Blog

As a church leadership team we're engaging in a period of prayer and fasting for the next few weeks until Easter. One particular tool that we're using on a weekly basis is a prayer blog that I thought was very cool. I was very proud of many of our established leaders who are entering the blogosphere for the first time. Here's a link if you want to check it out.